So much for posting every day like I planned.  Whoops. Discipline, my biggest struggle.  Well, one of them anyway.  One of many.  Like saying no to the chocolate chip cookie cake ~ yeah, that didn't happen.  Had to break it up in pieces, and by that I mean mutilate it, and get rid of it.  The sad thing is I wasn't even hungry, but it was there, I knew it was there, and I couldn't resist.  And then I complain about my weight . . .yeah, that's me. 

I wish I could remember the brilliant post I wrote in my head on my drive to work the other day.  I remember thinking, this is good stuff.  But it's long gone now, crap.  I think it may have had something to do with acceptance, my nemesis.  You would think by now I would know myself, my limits, my heart.  But so often I still don't know my own identity.  I still strive for, feel depressed about, fight to change things that just are, waste energy on that which I need to once and for all let go of.  That's my prayer for today, and for many days to come.  I just want to be the one God wants to me, the best me, the best mom to my kids.  I want my energy where you want it God, I want energy to do what you need me to do! 

New Year - time to get writing

Forgive me all, it has been, let's see, that would be 6 years since my last post - yikes!!  When I began this blog all those years ago my intention was to capture all the cute, funny, irritating, obstinate, goofy, et al antics of our then one little one, Noah.  I failed miserably.  I'm going to play the same card Matt and I do with the kids when we are forgetful, lazy, tired, etc.: I'm old.  And by old I mean, old to have little ones, and, well, it just sounds better than lazy, tired, and forgetful.  But before you think I'm dissing (yes, I just wrote that) old age, I'm just talking about managing the energy level of the little ones.  Old is a great thing, and can bring wisdom, peace, maturity, humility and appreciation.So from now on I will modify my usual response of "you shouldn't have picked old parents" with "you shouldn't have picked old and wise parents."  But, as typical when I write, journal, "blog" (not that I'm an expert~uhh, yeah, I did start this with the whole I've sucked as a blogger confession), I digress . . .

I want to get this blog moving again so I have a forum to capture memories of my amazing family.  I so easily forget those joyful moments that make us laugh and I don't want to lose those.  And I also need to write; I forgot how much I need this outlet.  How much I need a place where it isn't about the grammar, the eloquence or precision, it's just about the story, about sharing.  So . . .that's a very long way of stating: I'm back.

Hopefully, as I start blogging, more of the stories I've forgotten will come back to me. Here are a few that come to mind:

**Noah teaching Ellie math:
N: Okay, Ellie, what is 5 plus 5?
E: One?
N: no
E: 2? N: no
E: 3? N: no, etc. all the way to 10 at which time Noah said, "Yes, great job. Now, what is 5 plus 5?"
E: 1 no, 2 no, 3 no, 4 no . . .

At Buffalo Grove Days with mom and Howard, painting flower paints.  Howard to Noah: great job, you are quite an artiste!  Noah to Howard:  In Michigan, we call them artists.

Noah, our dramatic one, feeling upset and tired.  "I'm not good at anything, I can't even ride a bike.  Well, Brennen tried to teach me today.  I almost did it, and I almost killed myself.  I was closer to killing myself."**

I will also use this forum to share my struggles with speaking life and living fully and joyfully in the moment.  I have been undeservedly blessed and yet, as many of us do, I obsess about all I don't have, don't do, want, and hurt about along with what others do have/have accomplished. . .My prayer for today, and for every day is "God help me have a thankful and grateful spirit, to "raise my thoughts a little higher, use my words to inspire" and to not measure my value, the value of my accomplishments, or those of my family, by comparing it to others.  Give me the energy, the strength, the passion to be what you have called me to be, to accept your grace and mercy.  Help me to choose forgiveness, joy and compassion~more of you and less of me!  And Thank You for my family, for the kids who will mortified to know I'm writing all our stuff down for posterity!  Thank you for the love, joy, laughter, tears, hugs, craziness, trials and tribulations to come."

Happy New Year!  And if all goes as planned, you will be hearing from me again shortly . . . 

As promised, this post is "All about the Noah." 19 months old yesterday - wow. We had a fabulous, really, I honestly mean FABULOUS, time with Grandma and Papa Howard this weekend. The whole familia went to Illinois and while there, we went to the Greek Festival and Buffalo Grove Days (like a county fair without the animals . . . or inappropriate bikini displays Jen!). Noah, being the brilliant child he is, was always on perfect behavior when Grandma was around . . .when she left the immediate viewing area, however, my 19 month-old angel brought out all of his "I'm ready for the terrible two's and can throw a tantrum like the best of them" tricks. The hardest part for me when he does this? To not laugh my a** off -- little man yelping and doing the woe-is-me-Oscar-worthy dramatics is a HOOT. I've had to leave the room, not out of frustration, but because I'm cracking-up so badly! Easy for me to say though, Noah's tantrums last all of a few minutes . . .I know some of you moms have little ones with much more energy and longer attention spans, who can really get their tantrum on. I doubt I would be laughing if that were my little dude.

Here's how it worked much of the weekend:

Noah is eating blueberries, very sweetly while Grandma is watching. Grandma walks away, Noah revs up and starts pitching them everywhere. I say, "alright, we're done, you've lost blueberry privileges." He falls on the ground, arms flailing, his best,"you have ruined my world" antics. Then he sees Grandma . . .he calmly get up, walks over to Grandma who is now back in the room, points to the bowl of blueberries and says "more please" with the most innocent smile you've ever seen. Then he quietly climbs up in the chair and sits sweetly while Grandma hands over more blueberries.

Although, I'm thinking, "you little S#$%," I am grateful he behaves with Grandma (regardless of his motives!). . . At least this way she won't say, "you need me to babysit? Oooh, let's see, I'd love to but I have to wash my hair that day . . ."

Okay, back to work. More later . . .

It's time to get this party started. Let's see, it's only taken 2 weeks to post, let's see, . . .that would be ANYTHING. UGH. So I'm thinking just putting something, anything on here is better than making my wonderful mom friends wonder where I've disappeared to. If My Mom were following my blog, and I went this long without posting, she would have contacted every hospital, emergency clinic, and police station in the continental U.S., Europe and Antarctica by now . . .not that we have any extremist or neurotic tendencies in my family (said with much love and self-deprecating humor). Hey, you all do it to so you know : )

I'm on my very brief mid-afternoon break so I can't do much today. But I do want to announce the start of my:

Help_Me_Help_My_Sister_Promote_and_Be_Forever_Indebted_to_Me_Sale

My beautiful and AMAZING little sis is "this close" to promoting with Creative Memories and I so want to help her . . . okay, and have her owe me, BIG TIME. Very useful to have cool, amazing people forever in your debt. Let's say I screw up and forget to call and wish her Happy Anniversary (of course I would never do that . . .Happy 10th Anniversary Carzy!!). BFD, I loose no sister points. All I have to say is remember how I helped you advance. How cool is that?

But I digress . . .Back to the sale, 15% off all Creative Memories orders for Sept. and October. What am I nuts? We all know the answer . . . and, as the "routine" goes:

Sign-up as a Creative Memories consultant: $150
Retail sales needed to remain active: $500/quarter
Securing title of Greatest Big Sister EVER: priceless

Yes I wholeheartedly realize that this is one of the most desperate marketing plans ever utilized but pride is soooo over-rated!

I hope everyone reading this blog will consider joining the Promote Caryn Quest and ordering something by Oct. 1. Check out the products/order through my website www.mycmsite.com/pciturefun.

I promise my blogs won't all be pathetic sales efforts . . .drastic times call for drastic measures and all that . . . Next Blog will be devoted to the greatest joy I've ever known, Noah, my little Schmoo. 19 months Monday . . .where does the time go.

Peace
L

Here it is!

Your first blog!!